Sunday, March 28, 2010

America, oh how i've missed you...

I can officially say that tomorrow i'll be back in America. What a strange thought, to finally be going home. This has been quite an adventure - one that I know i'll tell my children about one day. I came to Iraq hoping for an opportunity, and I'm leaving with a lifetime full of memories. In my short 6 and half months, I have had the chance to travel throughout Iraq doing Public Affairs. Its been an honor to have seen this part of the world, and to have served side-by-side my fellow servicemembers. I couldn't ask for a better team and friends. I go back feeling as though i've learned so much in a short period of time, thanks entirely to the people that gave me this opportunity and taught me along the way. Depsite long days, stressfull challenges and the threats that come with being deployed - i wouldn't trade this for anything.

So, thank you Iraq, for being my home for this deployment - but mostly, thank you to the people that filled my days and made it feel like home and family. I go home with a full heart.

To those still there, I'll be praying for you until you come home. Look forward to seeing you on American soil!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Ships are the nearest thing to dreams that hands have ever made...

I'm in love with sailboats. I don't know where this is coming from -- but I came across a link to Charleston Harborfest, and I fell in love all over again with sailing. Unfortunately, this event has been postponed until 2011...but i'll be there next year! http://www.charlestonharborfest.org/

I have fond memories of going down to the docks in Hawaii to watch my dad sail. We would stay out until sunset watching the boats race, until one by one they all came in. A couple years later my dad bought a catamaran sailboat. We lived on the water in Hawaii, and we would take it out for hours at a time...each of the kids had a part in make the boat sail. This boat traveled with us overseas to Turkey as well, where we would take it out over vacation weeks. That boat carries a lot of memories.

There is something about a boat that requires nothing but wind and sails to make it go. And I love that.

When I was a teenager, my dad had my older brother and I take sailing lessons after school for several weeks straight. I remember spending hours practicing my knots (which, by the way, i've never been good at.) We had to learn what to do if our boat tipped over...which happened ALL the time. It was so scary at first, but then after awhile you could sort of feel when a big tip was coming, and you learned how to react. My biggest fear wasn't losing the boat, or drowning...it was always the fear of being eaten by shark. Still my biggest fear to this day. How pathetic is that? No number of sailing lessons can get me to overcome that fear :)

Maybe one day I'll buy a sailboat. Until then, I can dream...

Friday, March 26, 2010

...unconditional love comes with slobber and all.

My Nana sent me the book Marley and Me for Christmas this past year. I have dreaded reading it because I saw the movie and literally wept...and I hate, hate...hate crying. I try avoid it at all costs. But, and perhaps against better judgement, I picked the book up. Stuck in transit for 4 days has allowed me to read and sleep and amazing amount.

I know now why she wanted me to read it so badly. She has met my monsterous dog, Gus. And after babysitting him for a week, and having read this book, she knew he was a Marley in golden retriever get-up.

I've only read the first 5 chapters...but oh my goodness. Everything about this dog's puppy years reminds me of when we brought Gus home.

The first night, I just expected him to fall asleep in his crate, but he cried in this high-pitched yelping for hours, until we broke down and let him sleep in the bed...and of course he fell asleep in an instant. I continued putting him in his crate each night until I couldnt' take the crying anymore, and then he'd end up in bed with me, large drooly face in my face, and snoring... Eventually, I grew so exhausted from this routine that he just slept in bed with me, only to my horror I would wake up to him in my closet eating my shoes or ripping my socks apart.

Just like Marley, he would chew on my arm and wrist constantly to play...until the point that my brand new watch had teeth marks in it...I still wear this watch -- but its so torn up that i have a hair band holding it together.

As in the book, he would scarf his food down before I could even get the bowl on the ground. And then he'd lay at the pantry door and cry for more.

The energy that the author talks about with his dog is the same energy that I could never seem to wear out of Gus. I remember one night, after we had just walked for an hour, I was cleaning up dishes and putting them in the washer. Gus loved to lick the dishes as I put them in the washer, and sometimes I would find him standing on top of the open dishwasher door...but this night was different. I had just pulled a Glad container out of his mouth and was turning to wash it out again when I caught him pulling a large stake knife out of the washer, and before I could grab him he was racing around the house with the stake knife in his mouth...it was very Pirate's of the Caribbean-esc. After about 5 minutes of chasing him, I some how managed to pull the knife out of his mouth without either of us getting hurt.

This was a normal day for me and Gus -- but despite the sleepless nights, the chewed up shoes and the constant energy, there is something endearing about something that tirelessly begs of your affection, and will love you no matter what mood you are in. I think that's the point my Nana was trying to make...he is crazy, loud and energetic...but probably misunderstood. Behind all the slobber, he's doing it all for my attention.

Drooly face and all -- I love him. I guess there is something to be said about unconditional, messy love.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

...you electrify my life.

I sort of figured that this might happen...start a blog, and then never have time to use it. I guess that has a lot to say about my deployment though -- I just finished my tour in Iraq, and looking back now I realize that every ounce of free time was spent with friends. I don't think i've worked in many jobs where I spend a chaotic day at work and then want to spend the nights with those same coworkers. Iraq was different. I wasn't expecting to find life-long friends, and I wasn't expecting it to be so hard to leave. But it was hard, and that says everything about the people that I met there. I came to Iraq, leaving my home and family. But yesterday I left Baghdad feeling like I had left my heart behind. No checklist or predeployment training could have prepared me for that.

I read a quote once that said something like ...."As we move through life, the force of fate creates events that we only appreciate when we reflect on our existence." I've spent 6 months reflecting on my existence, and I leave feeling like I have a better handle on what I want out of life. I will always only look back on this deployment fondly. Not to say that parts of it weren't hard -- because it was challenging for me -- but I feel like I was handed this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and it was up to me to figure out what to do with it. This opportunity was more about relationships then anything else. The people I have met have made me a better a person -- I've learned that life is short, so I have to make the most of each moment I have with those I love. I need to be better about following my dreams, no matter how lofty they may seem.

At the end of this life I want to know that i've loved my family and friends with all my heart -- that i've seen the world and appreciate what it has to offer, and that i've left this place even just a little bit better.

I know i haven't done this well, but I guess that's what second chances are for. So thank you Baghdad for a second chance, and thank you to those friends that taught me how to love and dream. You mean everything to me.